d story so far..

Ramadhan 1428

Ramadhan is here once again. The month where we cleanse ourselves physically and mentally. The month where we reflect on our lives and on the lives of others who may not live the life of privilege we do. The month where our 'ibadah' are rewarded thousands of times.

This year, I am grateful to Allah swt for blessing me with the health to see Ramadhan once again. I am also grateful that this year I get to spend Ramadhan and Syawal with my family and loved ones here in Malaysia. I get to cook with my mom, preparing dishes for 'buka puasa'. I get to perform the 'terawikh' prayers with my family at the mosque. Later in Ramadhan, my mom and I will be making our famous 'kek lapis', cheese biscuits, tarts and makmur biscuits. Oh, the joy of Ramadhan! Alhamdulillah..

Nobody knows if this will be their last Ramadhan. All we can do is pray, prepare and ask for Allah swt's forgiveness.

packing up

There are many moments in life where you have to say goodbye. To family, to friends, to loved ones, to places, to experiences, to stages in your life. You sometimes get so immersed in what you're doing and with the people around you, that when it's time to move on, you just can't let go.

I hate saying goodbye. Knowing you can never go back to how things used to be. I remember the feeling of loss when I left high school. Saying goodbye to friends and saying goodbye to band. I remember how sad I was when I finished my first degree in UiTM. Of course I was happy I graduated and would be moving on to working life. But I knew I was going to miss working in the studio till late, laughing with friends, playing pranks on each other. My heart ached when I had to leave Malaysia to further my studies in Australia. I knew I would be going home one day, but it would mean coming home to a life that I have missed for 1 or 2 years.

But I know when I say goodbye, I leave with beautiful and fond memories. I leave with experience to help me move on in life. I will always keep the smiles and laughter in my heart.

I am now in process of saying goodbye. I leave for Malaysia in a week. Though I will be coming back in a few months, I just don't know how MANY months. I'm leaving behind my dear house mates and close friends whom I have called family for the past two and a half years. When I do come back, some of them would probably have graduated from Uni and won't be in Australia anymore. I will miss our crazy times. I will miss our UNO sessions. I will miss singing like madmen to entertain ourselves on our long trips around Tassie. I will miss our cooking and eating frenzies. It has been great kids. Good to have known all of you.

I have just recently said goodbye to the Moorilla Museum project. The one I have been working on a 1:50 scale model for the past 4 months. I have never been involved in making such a huge and detailed model. I was skeptical at first, wondering how on earth was this model to take shape. But everyone on the team worked hard and made it come to life. It looks fantastic! And I'm proud to have been on the team. I think I left a piece of my heart with the model down in Hobart.

A BIG thank you to Helen Norrie, my lecturer who got me working on the project. To Adrian, our supervisor from Moorilla who took real good care of us and put up with our crazy antics. Will miss your fatherly figure. And to the rest of the crazy gang; Jason, Mat, Sarah and Mark, I will hugely miss the sarcasm, the sarcasm and the sarcasm, the jokes, the laughs, the singing, the dancing and everything in between! Cheers guys! Hope to see everyone again soon.

On with the packing...

Missy Higgins

I went to Missy Higgins' concert last Wednesday. I love her! She rocks! She is so bloody talented. For those of you who don't know, Missy is an Aussie artist. Her songs are jazzy + indie. Go check her out. You'll love what you hear.

Back to the concert. I never knew Albert Hall here in Launnie could such an event. To think that this was the hall I graduated in! But the turnout was great. I really didn't expect that many Launnians want to go see a Missy Higgins concert. Though some of her other concert venues around OZ were already sold out. I had a lot of non-expectations, but what I did expect was a great performance. And a GREAT performance it was! I totally dig that Missy can play the piano and guitar so well. And she's got such a powerful voice too. A slight drawback was that we had to wait 45 minutes for Missy to come on stage. So there I was, standing in heels and my feet were killing me. But then if I hadn't worn heels, I wouldn't have been able to see anything coz 'you know why'... ;p But all the pain was forgotten once the music started playing. I really had a great night. Loved it!

anthony bourdain

Just came back from Hobart. Worked on the model project over the weekend with Mark, Matt and Jason. It's looking really good. In the words of the guys, 'It's looking HOT!' haha.. I'll post some pics of it soon.

Anyways, I was watching the travel & living channel in my accommodation down in Hobart and there was this short clip of Anthony Bourdain's many eating trips around the globe. And in this particular clip he was sampling food in KL! I got a jolt watching the clip. Not so much of Bourdain (though I do think he can be quite dashing at times), but of the hustle and bustle of life and the yummy food in KL. God. I haven't been home for ages. And OH HOW I MISS the food! Man, I can't wait to go back to KL. Whenever THAT is. Hopefully in October, in time for Raya. Yaay! Can't wait!

you will be missed..

When I left Malaysia in February 2006, I said to my black cat Tum-tum, 'Bye Tum-tum. Jangan nakal-nakal (don't be naughty). Make sure you'll still be here when I get back!'

I haven't got a chance to go back to Malaysia since then. And Daddy gave me the sad news yesterday that Tum-tum had died on Sunday, 1st of April 2007. He died far away from home as all cats do as they do not want their masters to feel sorrow. But dad found him near a vacant house a few rows of houses away from our home. Dad took him home and buried him in the front garden. They garden he used to play in.

We had him in the family for 6 years. But he was a special cat and we loved him to bits. He was a funny cat too. Terribly scared of house flies and running under the table during thunderstorms.

Tum-tum was a black cat with not an inch of white on him. When many people absolutely despised black cats, I loved him for all that he was. And I am really, really going to miss him...

Rest in peace my dear Tum-tum..

p/s- to close friends and family members who are reading this, please do not mention anything about this to my sister Reena. She is now in National Service training. The news would devastate her and I don't want her to be feeling sad while she's there. Thanks.

hannibal rising

Tuesday is $9 movie day.. so i took my sis Reena to the cinema to watch a movie.. we chose to watch Hannibal Rising coz nothing else was worth watching.. and because it was $9 movie day, we had to watch something.. so we bought tix for the 4.50pm show..

i glanced at my watch n saw that we still had 50 mins to go.. so Reena n i walked around in the city to kill time and went back to the cinema with 10 mins to spare.. bought the coke n m&m's and confidently walked towards the ticket-check guy.. he looked at our tix and looked at us and nodded towards a row of seats nearby..

'have a seat girls.. your cinema isn't ready yet'

ok... so we took a seat, wondering why the hell our cinema wasn't ready yet.. something must be wrong.. coz we were on time.. but.. hmmm..??

so i absent-mindedly check my watch again only to find out why we were refused entry to our cinema.. it was only 3.50pm!! hahahahhahahahhahahahha...

p/s- the coke didn't make it to the movie.. an hour is a looong time to restrain yourself from sipping.. ;D

beat from work

I just realised my last blog was posted mid Oct. Man, time flies and it sure whizzed past me in a blur. It's summer now and Launnie is getting hotter and hotter. No more jumpers, no more sweaters. Yaay!

Let's see.. what's happened since Oct. The final submission of my Professional Project was in early Nov. It was scary. We had to present to a panel of 6 lecturers + 2 external architects from Melbourne. It was ok, but I felt it could have been better. Hell. Actually, I felt my whole project could have been better. My heart just wasn't in it this time. I'm sure archi students understand me when I say, sometimes you really love a project to death coz you put your heart and soul in it and enjoyed every single minute working on it. But sometimes, your heart is just not with it and it's frustrating because you try so hard to make it work, but it just doesn't. It just doesn't. Ironically, this sort of thing HAD to happen for my final ever project. Shites. But then again, of course this sort of behaviour is not acceptable in your working life. It's your client's money and time and you've got to make the best out of it. Mood or no mood. Heart or no heart. We'll get back to that later. I'll report when I've reached that stage.

But hey, results are out and I'm happy to say, I'M GRADUATING!! It may not be the the best of results (as I was already prepared for), but I'm contented. I'm happy. No more studying. No more sleepless nights. Just my working life ahead of me. My family will be coming over to attend my graduation. Yaay again! Can't wait.

Life at the moment is pretty monotonous. Nothing special happening. I've got two jobs now. Both at take-aways/restaurants. I work 9 hours a day, Mon to Sat. It's crazy. But I don't think I'd be doing anything anyway if I didn't work plus I need the money. I'm zonked out most of the time when I'm at home. On Sunday, my totally free day, I'm at home doing house chores or being told to do house chores. Gimme a break.

Anyways, my plans for the near future. So far, I've no plans to go back to Malaysia. Yet. I will be applying for PR and will be getting a job here. Looking to work here for a few years before slaving myself off to archi firms in M'sia. I'm sure I'll be slaving off working in archi firms here too, but hey, it comes with the job description. Take it or leave it.

Getting hitched? No plans yet. En Macha is in Dubai now working for an archi firm there. He's on a one year contract. So we'll see what happens after that. If nothing happens, we'll continue to live our lives and see where this never-ending-journey-full-of-surprises-and-twisted-corners will bring us. Catch ya later..

the last hurdle

Spring continues to amaze me. Last Friday was the first time in a long time I actually went to work and later walked around town without having to wear a jumper. And it was the first time of my entire working career (my working career at Ali's that is) to see the ceiling fan at Ali's switched on! It was hot! Considering Tassie is usually cold most of the year. I think the last time I saw a ceiling fan working was when I left Malaysia last February. Yes, I have been in a freezer THAT long.

And guess what? After that gloriously warm Friday, we're back in the freezer yet again! It has been chilly most nights, which is not good coz it makes me want to curl up in warmth n sleep! Which of course, I can't afford to be doing considering the mountain of work I have to produce in time for my final submission and presentation. Dang! And it's not that much long to go..

Hari Raya is just round the corner. I can just almost feel the vibes from my home country of the preparations and the last minute running around of Malaysians trying to get everything together for Raya. OH, HOW I MISS ALL THAT! This is, my first time celebrating Hari Raya away from my family. My dad said the other day, after 24 years of celebrating Raya together, I won't be around this year. 24 years?! God, that's long. And God, I'm old! Hahs.. Then he got all emotional and said he gets teary eyed when he hears raya songs and remembers that I'm far away. *Sigh* I miss him a lot too.. and my mum.. n my sis..

But now, I need to focus my attention on work. This is THE last ever hurdle. Insyaallah.. Can't wait.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri to all.. May each and every one of us be in the blessings of Allah SWT always. Maaf dan ampun dipinta.

the heart misses..

we had our second interim crit for our final project today.. i felt like throwing up before i presented my work for lack of sleep.. my work is a bit far behind.. i know that myself.. i know what i want to do, and i can see where my project will be going but i just have to get to doing it.. i hope time will be on my side as i struggle to get things done by early November..

i'm stressed, i'm scared.. and what do you do when at a time like this, when you really need someone to talk to, that someone is not there..? and when you feel tired and empty, your mind starts wandering and your heart aches for moments when you were really truly happy and content where nothing else mattered..

i admit. i'm homesick. i don't want to be. but i am..

i miss waking up to mum's nagging..
i miss seeing dad off to work..
i miss the smell of mum's perfume when she leaves the house..
i miss dad's jokes.. how he makes everything seem so funny..
i miss mum's cooking..
i miss the monthly family grocery shopping at giant or carrefour..
i miss laughing with reena..
i miss nagging reena..
i miss eating out with them..
i miss the late night mamak trips with mum n dad..
i miss nagging dad about his sugar intake..
i miss family gatherings..
i miss cousin outings..
i miss scoffing down durians with mum n dad..
i miss it when reena scrunches up her face at the sight of durians..

i miss them so much.. i really do..

faded...

You never take
Take the time to really look
Look at the one
The one I really am

You try to fit
To fit me in a perfect box
You let me slip between the cracks

Now I'm faded
Into someone else
Made me someone I don't wanna be
Yeah I'm faded
My true colour's gone
Like a picture nobody sees

I bet you don't
Don't even know my favourite song
You tell me how
How I should wear my hair

You wanna change
Everything I ever was
Try to erase me
Till I'm not there

Now I'm faded
Into someone else
Made me someone I don't wanna be
Yeah I'm faded
My true colour's gone
Like a picture nobody sees

Now I'm faded
Like I never was
Till I don't even know myself
Yeah I'm faded
Into what you want
But I'm not takin' it too well

I don't wanna be your little picture perfect pretty girl
Who's got nothing to say
I'm not gonna wait around
Let you run my whole life down
So you can watch me fade away

Faded, hated, slippin' away as I disappear in the dark
Faded, hated, so far away from who I was at the start

Lyrics of song by Kate Dearaugo

i was once faded.. slowly trying to find myself again..